Monday, April 8, 2013

Giving up?

I have always been a whimsy writer. If it is not something urgent and not related to work or studies, I find it very difficult to write if the thoughts do not come on their own from within.

Now the greatest problem I face is that various thoughts keep hovering in my mind all the time. And my heart never stops to generate feelings too. But somehow my weakness to procrastinate writing has prolonged for so long that it has now turned to a habit. It seems, now the Words are paying me back for my age-old callousness towards them. It kills me from within and the fact that I have already missed my F post and my complete cluelessness about what to write on the other alphabets too is choking me to worst kind of death.

My mind has churned out several ideas for F. I even scribbled few lines but could not connect them and weave together to a final something. And I, until and unless am not satisfied with my write-ups even to a miniscule bit, cannot make up my mind to post it on my blog. Somehow just for the sake of posting I cannot post. I have this uncanny ability to go harsh on me and my write-ups all the time. I am just never happy and contended.

I checked my draft folder and found several write-ups that never saw the daylight. Out of them many are even jinxed for they are destined to remain incomplete forever. I could have easily picked one out of them, modified it a bit and turned it in to a post of the day. But blame it on my overconfidence or on my zeal to come out of my comfort zone that I did not settle for it. There is this invincible thirst in me to write something new that is not letting me do that. I know if I post my older write-ups I will end up doing that for many days to come. But that will defy the very purpose for which I have joined this A to Z Blogging challenge.

I feel frustrated and very much disappointed now. It is just the beginning of the challenge and by the 6th day only, my words…once again are giving up on me. It hurts and I do not know how to express it. My heart is weeping and bleeding and I don’t know how to tend my heart and sooth it’s pain. I wish writing came easy to me. I wish.

But the question still remains the same,

Am I Giving up? 

Well! No! Not yet. Not this soon at least.